24 Comments

Man, I just hope those poor kids will one day recover from the trauma of missing out on such vital childhood experiences as catgacating and listening to cartchy tuns.

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Don't worry, at the rate the internet is devolving into a newer ending sewer pipe spewing AI-generated sludge, I'm sure the children will get their fill of catgacating and cartchy tuns. YouTube """"Kid's"""" is already, like 90% nothing but!

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Mar 27Liked by Yakubian Ape

Let's not forget all the middle-aged goons who dragged their kids to this thing on promise of a pasadise of sweet teats.

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Anything promising "sweet teats" is something that children should absolutely not be allowed at.

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On the Rainfurrest scale of event disasters, I'd rate this a solid 5. Right below 2014 Dashcon, which swindled several thousand dollars from people 'after' it was an obvious failure.

A momentous occasion, but no lives endangered, bank accounts emptied, or property damaged. It does get points for scaring the bejeebies out of the kids.

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Mar 26·edited Mar 26Author

Oh, I remember watching Dashcon unfold in real time on my Tumblr page when it happened. Good times. Even though probably 3/4ths the site was watching the show and laughing for the other quarter that was still really into Sherlock and Supernatural it might as well have been their personal 9/11. I'll never forget the "British Men With High Cheekbones" panel room.

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Apr 2Liked by Yakubian Ape

I'm gonna be honest, I was looking forward to exarserdray lollipops and the pasadise of sweet teats.

Anyway, Meth Lab Oompa Loompa and The Unknown are perhaps the best things I've encountered all year.

And... "House of Illuminati"? Written in barely legible marker? Weird.

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That's actually the name of the "company" that staged the event. And probably not one that's particularly trustworthy even at first glance. But I'll go into more detail on the history of both the "company" and the proprietor in the next piece.

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Fascinating story. It is like the rainbow mafia influence bleeding out into the professional grifter community.

The pathology of AI aside, a bit of unsolicited feedback, I had a hard time reading the font on the blue background.

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Mar 28Liked by Yakubian Ape

I heard about this, thought it was funny. You know what though, the woman who was in the iconic picture as the sad oompa loompa will probably do well based on recognition now.

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I like to think good things are in store for her. She deserves it, after being the butt of the joke at the beginning and getting so much shit. And, even if she doesn't, she will always be the Meth Lab Oompa Loompa. And no one will ever be able to take that from her.

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Those kids should be grateful they got the once-in-a-lifetime chance to see tHe uNknOwn!

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They'll grow up to dry heave with anxiety at the sight of Sting.

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Sorry - Slash. Sting is... not Slash. They have very similar stage names. I plead my innocence.

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Mar 27Liked by Yakubian Ape

I had no idea this even happened. Thank you for telling this tale with your usual humor , wit, and empathy for the human condition.

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Thank you! I try to empathize with everyone, but you'll see in the next part... it's not easy to do with certain individuals.

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Mar 28Liked by Yakubian Ape

You do very well, I am always impressed and I learn how to extend a little grace to all. I am looking forward to the next one!

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Always a delight to read your work, sir.

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Thank you, I appreciate the support :)

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It's a damn shame none of the Scots ended up producing claymores out of hammer space. We're long overdue for a good revisit of The Highlander, and that's probably the closest we'd have come to one.

Shitty as this entire situation was, at the very least the actors involved managed to work a little bit of good out of it, both for their careers, the laughs looking back, and some goodwill with their plan to try to put together an event that better captures what the guests were promised. Sucks that a lot of people wasted their money on that, but hopefully they'll be able to get some of it back and Coull will get the courtroom curb stomping he deserves. As for whether or not he actually will, well, I'm not so confident in that necessarily. There's a lot of jokes the Scottish government still has to issue fines and arrest warrants for. I just can't see how they'll find the time to handle Willy Wanker in the midst of all that very absolutely unquestionably necessary work they have.

In either case, no one really got hurt, the actors came out the other end of this bad situation in a better place, and the mungo behind the whole scheme got outed as the scuzz bucket that he is internet wide. Not a bad result for the ending of part 1. Of course, the saga does still have to continue...

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I have a feeling Willy Wanker will avoid any severe legal punishment as well. He's been giving out refunds, apparently - I highly suspect out of a desire to keep himself out of legal trouble rather than compassion. The esoteric ways of UK law is far above my head, but I have a feeling the worst he'll get is false advertising charges, or something along those lines. Much like his other endeavors we'll cover next time, I can't say that he looks to have done anything outright or explicitly illegal aside from false advertising and maybe faking credentials, if that's a crime, but he's certainly far from scrupled.

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Solid. Gold. I love your stuff man, I really do.

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Thank you Joseph, I'm glad you enjoyed. Your patronage is much appreciated, as well :)

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I’m liking for the title

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